How can I be more confident around my partner when he’s 100lbs thinner than me?
When I see couples being all PDAish and being such different sizes and ethnicity, it makes me feel weird because I don’t have that in my relationship so I lose my confidence.
Also, how do you have intimacy when you’re a larger person with a smaller person?
We don’t have that at all and it also kills my confidence.
We've been conditioned to believe that in a relationship, we have out gendered roles to play. When it comes to body size, we've been taught the standard is men are bigger than women, and a woman should be smaller than her man.
Love doesn’t always find its way to people that fit these body types.
It’s more important that your relationship feels good between you
VS what your bodies look like next to each other.
Love, appreciation, support comes from two people’s minds and hearts, not their body types.
If someone is making you feel like their love is attached to the way your body looks, I’m no relationship expert but I would highly recommend seeking new partnership.
Those things shouldn’t be attached to the way you look,
They should be attached to the way you show up in your relationship
The confidence crusher here = Comparison
Seeing other relationships and saying “mine doesn’t look like that so it must not be as good.”
What other people are doing in their relationship doesn’t need to influence how you feel about your relationship.
(Also, you NEVER KNOW what is happening in someone else’s relationship just by looking at them so best not to assume it’s all peaches and roses. It could be a fiery shitstorm they tried to slap a date night on top of their recurring problems and it’s really not going well. You Never. Know.)
When people are looking around and heavily relying on comparison to judge what is good and bad in their life, I like to suggest coming back to you. Your relationship. Your partner.
Bring your view of vision back into yourself and don’t worry about what other people are doing.
They don't live your relationship, you do. So put your focus back on you.
If it feels weird inside your relationship, there is something that needs attention.
What is it?
Can you work with your partner to fix it so it feels better.
The strangers you see on the street can’t help you with this but, your partner can, and will if they are in it with you.
The way the question was formed,
Feels like there is a wanting or a longing for more connection, affection, and intimacy.
Start with your own mindset:
I love being in this relationship, I like my body the way it is, I would love xyz to happen between me and my partner.
(if you don’t love being in your relationship, or you don’t actually love your body the way it is, those are whole ‘nother topics so, for this piece, let’s suppose you do.)
How can you be confident around a smaller partner?
1. First identify the feelings you have that keep you from your confidence
Afraid of judgement (from partner or others)
Unworthiness (wanting more love but afraid of rejection because of size)
2. Mindset game - is this the truth I want to uphold?
Ask yourself what you want to be true for you
Other people may judge me but - fuck em. They don’t live my life, I do
Receiving love is not based on what you look like (and stay away from people who make you feel like it is)
Remember - you are not required to be “anything else” to be worthy of love and affection.
You are worthy of love, affection, and companionship at all shapes and sizes.
3. Spend more time with body positivity and less time with accounts or spaces that make you feel bad about being large/larger than others.
Turn off the noise!
There are so many accounts out there dedicated to self-love
Find them, follow them, and turn off/unfollow the ones that don’t.
At the end of the day, it’s all about how YOU perceive yourself.
I know you’ve seen large women who are shy, ashamed, trying to hide themselves.
Then you see large women who are bright, loud, unapologetic, and happy af!!
What's the difference between them?
How they choose to see and believe in themselves.
The more you accept and love yourself, the more others do it around you.
If you have a quality partner, these conversations shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself.
If your partner does make you feel bad, that may be a different topic for a different conversation.
Or you may need a new partner altogether. (Just sayin')
Try to always come back to:
Does this need to be true for me (I can’t be confident in myself because I’m bigger than my partner) or will you choose confidence in yourself, your partner, and your relationship and establish that as your truth.
You have the power to choose! Always choose confident you <3